so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
