The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
