I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
