If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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