we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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