i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
