What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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