He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
