the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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