Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
