who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
