We're like a lot better than the average bears
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
not ubering you a puppy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
