you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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