i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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