It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I only lived at night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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