It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
