I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
