I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
