Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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