meet me or not, i'm out of control
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
