Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
