I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
