you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
