How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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