to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
