I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
