im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
