I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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