marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
