I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
