The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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