so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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