I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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