hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Come see our sink grown plant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
