i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
