I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
