I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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