the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
