well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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