maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
