you traded sex for a burrito?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
