weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
