why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
