I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
