Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
