I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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