She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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