Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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