so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
