I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
