I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You can't special order awesome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
