so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
